Spark Greater Inner Harmony

There are so many ways we are able to express our life potential as humans. Aliveness is profound and joyful experience beyond measure, but the pain of inhibition is equally profound I am afraid.That’s why Empowered Self Relating is here, to partner with people on the planet like you to lift inhibition,the persistent grind of stuckness, the isolation of frozen expression, the dimming shroud of shame.

What Do Unmet Needs Have to with Inner Struggle?

In this blog post, I’d like to point out the connection between our unmet needs,our life-thwarting behaviors, and how we can intervene on our own life-affirming behalf.

Often when we have important needs that have been repeatedly thwarted, we feel numbed out, irritated, deflated, or a combination of all these in the face of these needs even if we are not conscious of them. This creates a recipe for what I call work-around behaviors that are not always in our best interest despite the fact that we are doing our best.

What’s an example of Work-Around Behaviors?

Could be anything really. Let’s say you might have a thwarted need for setting healthy boundaries where your boss or co-worker is concerned. Instead of taking the realistic steps to truly create these boundaries for ourselves, we might work-around the problem:lie,pretend, avoid, misrepresent the project, etc. These work-arounds often only bring greater frustration for us or everyone else as our deepest need for boundaries continues to go unmet.So, if you find yourself experiencing puzzling, work-around behaviors, ask yourself Empowered Self Relating’s 3 guidepost questions.

Empowered Self Relating’s 3 Guidepost Questions

Use these 3 Questions as Guideposts to facilitating the organic movement away from self-imposed pain, shame, and blame toward healthier behaviors that bring you an authentic expression of inner clarity, confidence or ease.

Question 1

“What need am I trying to get met?” (may not be the obvious one.)

Question 2

“How is my current behavior helping or attempting to help me feel like I am getting a need met?”

Question 3

“What would be another way to get this need met more fully and with greater satisfaction, joy and self-respect?”

Try this first with something in the past that has been resolved or something current that does not have a great deal of stakes or trigger for you.

Then apply it to something more intense or trickier. Do your best to be in as clear, present and non-triggered state as possible.

Do the answers to these questions allow you to have greater understanding and practical perspective than before?

Does it open a new door to how you feel or how to handle yourself or the situation?

Don’t underestimate what understanding and getting your real needs met can do for creating a greater sense of self-worth, respect, safety and empowerment.

Try these 3 questions the next time an opportunity arises and see if it helps you create greater empowerment and workability in an area that has typically eaten your lunch!

See if rather than getting stuck in a redundant self-defeatist loop, these questions help you to break free and experience something new, something better for yourself and everyone involved.